Yup. You heard that right. I suck. Big ol’ Dyson-destroying-Hoover robo-vacuum-beat-down suckage of epic proportions.
Why, Betsy, why!
Because I opened my gigantic maw and got everyone riled up about NaNoWriMo and do the math and write every day you lazy POS’s or I will laugh and point and mock you when you fail – and then…. and then….
Well, the writing’s on the wall (or not), isn’t it? See that lame ass NaNo widget down there broadcasting my suckness? I’m not exactly racking up ninja points with my piddly word count, now am I?
Damn it! This happens every year! I get all fired up, yammer on about how I’m finally gonna beat this thing, and people believe me! And then I make you all think you can do it, too! Magic drops of golden hooey flowing from my lying lips – and you people believe it!
What’s wrong with you???
Nothing is wrong with you, actually. Because, let’s face it. I can be pretty conniving, I mean, convincing, when I want to be. Who wouldn’t be duped by some hyped up blogger’s drink-my-Kool-Aid-and-I-will-make-you-the-great-and-powerful-Oz talk? That is what we all need to hear sometimes to kick start our sluggish ways into overdrive, right?
And sometimes it works.
And sometimes it doesn’t. Especially, say, for the self-same rah-rah spewing writer tossing this shit at you to get your engines roaring.
Have they been roaring??
Because if they have, then great! My job here is done! There goes any further requirement on my part to face plant into my laptop and unhinge the contents of my brain into a text file. No 50k for me, thanks!
Hmmmm… but I’m thinking by the chaos of cursing and onion-eyed insults being hurled in my general internet direction, you’re not buying my bullshit, eh? I can’t one-two step out of here with my hide intact?
Bullies! All of you!!
So, what to do, what to do… besides the tar and feathers. Okay, fine, reenergize, write, put on the big girl panties and practice what I preach. November isn’t even half over. Still plenty of time to upend all the vortex of suck my brain bucket contains onto the blank pages.
Which, by the way, the same also applies to the rest of you lazy POS’s.
Think I haven’t noticed? Think again. I had you all sign up to be my buddies so I could spy on your progress. Some of you are blowing me out of the water (Bully for you, nyah! Squirrel!), but some of your word counts just plain old suck. Yeah, I said it. You suck, too. What are you gonna do about it?
Oooooh yeah, that would chap my fanny, I’m telling you! You just go and WRITE, you big bad revenge-seeking missile of literary prowess! You prove me wrong! You say “No, Betsy, YOU suck! I, however, still intend to write 50k words this month, therefore, I do NOT suck!”
Because, yanno, my insults and name-calling aren’t just another tactic in my Bag o’ Nano Tricks to get you (and me) writing. I have absolutely NO ulterior motives here.
Nope, not at all.